Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
