I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
