so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
