who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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