Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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