I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize