OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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