Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
