Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
