wanna go halves on a baby?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
