i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
