I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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