u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize