dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
