your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
