The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize