it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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