??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
