about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
