I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
