so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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