WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
