This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
