you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
