it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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