this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
