I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
