At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
