Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
