Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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