first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
