He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
