So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
