What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm both gender and math confused
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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