So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
