Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
