i don't like sucking hair
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
