My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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