the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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