I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
