I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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