ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
