I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
