dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
