we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
