His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
