You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
