We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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