everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Text me some of your sweat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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