Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
