He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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