That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize