I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
