Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
