Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
