love makes seman taste better
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
