I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
