I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
