would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize