I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
