I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
