My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love you. Go after that dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
