We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will be naked everywhere
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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