Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
