I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
