Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
