something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
